Your lesson for the day

English:
"Ya'll gonna get my pitchers made fer Christmas if ya'll get 'em tomorry?"-incorrect grammer, and the answer is "no."
"If my order arrives tomorrow, will I have the prints in time to deliver to my client for Christmas?"-correct grammer, and the answer is "no."

Reading:
"When is the last day I can get an order to you and get it back by Christmas?" -incorrect, you should have read your newsletter.
"If I read the newsletter correctly, it's too late to get an order back by Christmas." -correct, you won't get it.

Math:
The right lane is going an average of 62 mph.  The center lane is going an average of 66 mph.  The left lane is going an average of 72 mph.  You are in the left lane, traveling an average of 62 mph.  What should you do? -the answer is MOVE THE HELL OVER BEFORE I RAM YOUR BUMPER, MORON!

Science:
You top a hill heading West, while I top the next hill heading East.  I can see you, and your headlights clearly, so I dim my lights.  What is the best way to assure that you aren't rammed by a $500 Cavalier?  -the answer is DIM YOUR LIGHTS, YOU MORON!

History:
A month ago, you asked if an order received on December 19 would be delivered by Christmas, and you were told "no." Last week, you asked if an order received on December 19 would be delivered by Christmas, and you were told "no."  Today, you asked if an order received by December 19 would be delivered by Christmas, and you were told "no." -the answer is HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF.

Physical Education:
I am fat and out of shape.  If I am running all over the lab, looking for your order, and you call right back to ask for me, I *will* be out of breath.  Don't ask why.  It just annoys me.  I am doing what you ask, so leave me alone.

Sex Ed:
If you are going to pretend to be a professional photographer, do NOT call me while your child screams in the background.  Nobody will ever take you seriously.  You're just a MWAC. (that's Mom With A Camera)

Recess:
Your lab rep will go out for 2 separate, 12 minute breaks each day.  During that time, they will smoke cigarettes while cussing about your ineptitude.

Lunch:
I didn't get one, due to your lack of planning.  Thanks.

OK, this completes your class work for the day.  Tomorrow, we'll cover "whining," "begging," "complaining," and "screaming."  Be here early.

See ya 'round, frozen ground!