Another entry? WHAT?

I know, I know.  If I post more than one entry in 24 hours, folks lose interest and think I'm nuts.  Well, I am.

I'm just sitting here thinking, and I use this medium to unload. Feel free to ignore this post.  Seriously.

I'm sick of Kevin hurting.  He hurts all of the time.  He hurts when he wakes up, works his butt off all day, while hurting, and then comes home to help around here, hurting until he falls asleep...usually pretty early.

He used to wrestle around with the boys, when they were younger.  He used to hoist the girls up to hug them.  He used to love playing golf.  He used to crave nothing more than a couple of games at the bowling alley.  These are just a few of the things that he'll never do again.

I have to nag him to get him to do most things.  That sounds like a complaint about my husband, but it's not.  He just hurts.  I whine and complain about something like getting his car from Dad's house, so Dad can quit mowing around it, and he says we will.  Then I have to remind him.  Then, I have to secure help from Dad and tell him that we're doing it now.  Then he does it, and comes home to collapse.

It's depressing as hell, to tell the truth.  This is a workplace injury, so he had to give a deposition last week.  She kept asking what he couldn't do any more.  He'd give an answer, and she'd say, "Is that all?"  How the HELL is someone supposed to name EVERYTHING that can never be done again?  It's impossible.

Anyway, here I am.  The girls are in bed.  Kevin is in bed.  I'm just sitting and thinking, when *I* should be in bed.  I'm not.  I'm worried.  What happens when he can't do it anymore?  When he cannot work?  What happens to my house?  I know, I won't lose my house.  He'll work as long as he can drag himself there.  I just wish it didn't hurt him so badly to do so.

And, so what if I lose my house?  There is no debtors prison these days.  We'll move on, right?  Hell, I don't want to think that way.  I won't lose my house.  We'll be fine.  I love him, and I want the stupid pain management place to find a solution.  We're paying that office out of pocket, because the injury doctors have all released him.  "Go free and hurt!"  That's their motto.

OK, that was depressing.  I just had to get if off my chest.