I went shopping today.

Well, I did it.  Kevin and I did most of the Christmas shopping last night, but there were some things that I needed to do this afternoon.  We got off work at 1:00, and I told Kevin that I was going to do it.  Take the plunge.  Brave the crowds.  Bah.

First, you must know a couple of things.  I hate shopping.  I hate malls.  I hate "last minute" anything, but with my job being what it is, I have no choice.  I'm not a typical woman.  I hate shopping.

That being said, here we go.  I headed to the nearest shopping mall.  It took 6 cycles of one traffic light for me to get close to the mall.  *sigh*  Just wait it out.  Play the radio, let people merge when needed, you have all afternoon, you're in no rush.  I kept repeating those things.

It took about 15 minutes in the parking lot to find someone leaving, so I could have a spot...FAR from the mall.  I parked and headed in.  A couple of rows over, two women were honking their horns and screaming profanity at each other.  It was almost humorous, but I was waiting to hear gunshots.  Merry Christmas, ladies.

I got inside and started my search for a couple of specific items.  There were hundreds of groups of teenage girls, cell phones firmly on their ears, saying things like "OH MY GOD!  I CAN'T BELIEVE IT!" and "NO WAY!" and other nonsense like that.  It was all very exciting, I guess.

There were also groups of friends walking 5-wide.  I'm glad ya'll are having some bonding time, but how am I supposed to get by?  Wait it out.  It'll be fine.  There were folks with out-of-control children, women looking mad or worried, men looking lost, and old folks wondering where they were, and why.

I walked past the Macy's perfume counter.  BLECH!  The smell burned my nose something fierce.  I kept thinking, "I wish something would get this smell out of my head."  Then it happened.  Be careful what you wish for.  I fell into step behind a greasy guy that smelled of body odor and onions.  Then, I went into the restroom.  BLECH!  It smelled like a shopping mall restroom.  So many smells this holiday season.

By the time I left, I had only made one purchase, and it wasn't even a planned one.  I got a little something for my babysitter (mom) and headed out.  It took another 20 minutes to leave the mall and get to the interstate.  I was patient and kind and loving to all drivers, regardless of their level of road rage.  "You need to whip your car in front of me from two lanes over?  No problem, I'll slow down for you."  I was quite merry and bright...or faked it real well.

Finally, after striking out at 4 stores, I went to Walmart.  I got the stocking stuffers and such, then bought baking goods.  We make trays of goodies for all of our neighbors and friends each year.  I'll start on that tonight.

Wow, I'm glad to be home.  I do NOT see what other women see in shopping.  Could someone please explain the fun?  Maybe it's more fun if money is no object?  Who knows?