Just stuff

I chose "sad" for my mood, but I'm not really all that sad.  I just had a REALLY bad day.  REALLY.BAD.  It happens, move on.

Tonights entry is about the past 5 years.  A lot can happen in 5 years.  A lot DID happen in 5 years.

We moved from the SW corner of Missouri to the Kansas City area:  I always told my boss that I'd be back when Natalie started school.  We moved here during the summer before that milestone.  I got to waltz back into a great company, with a better job than I had before.  A GREAT job, I must say.

My Grandma died:  I've lost grandparents before, and it hurt each time.  This was my LAST grandparent.  Dammit, it hurt.  She needed to go.  She needed to leave this world and the horrible vessel that her body had become, but she was my LAST grandparent!  I felt so empty.  Grandparents are important.

Steve died:  One month after burying my grandma, Kevin's brother was killed fighting a fire.  I can't begin to put into words the pain that we all felt.  Steve made family gatherings fun.  Steve was the life of the party.  Steve worked 4 jobs at once, sometimes, and all of them involved preserving life.  Steve was BIGGER than life.  Damn, I miss you, buddy.

We learned that it IS about the money, sometimes:  Kevin had to leave a dream job for a shit job.  It has its perks, but it's hot and miserable and stupid at times.  He suffers these things for the family, because the dream job (that is open if he ever wants it back) doesn't pay enough.  Damn, I hope he can go back at some point.  They love him, he loves the job...I want that for him.

Jonathan grew up:  Yeah, my step-son quit getting in trouble.  He got his GED.  He decided to make a life for himself, and is now a manager at a grocery store.  He is proud of himself and we are proud of him.  He is going to be a fine adult. (he'll be 21 next April.)

We bought our first home:  After 10 years of marriage and rental homes, we took the plunge.  There are a bazillion things I'd like to fix around here, but it's MINE.  I love this town, and I love this house.  I feel all grown up when I make a mortgage payment, instead of paying rent.

I went to a Chicago suburb to a chat-meet:  It was incredible. Kevin and I took off and drove straight thru, got a cheap room, and had the time of our lives visiting the folks we've come to know at JokeADay.com.  I love these people, and feel like I've known them for years (because I have.)

I met some J-land buddies:  Twice, I've driven to O-friggin'-P (sorry, inside joke between me and those I met) to meet some cool folks.  Gay people are FUN!  (sorry, another inside joke.)  It's so neat to feel welcomed and accepted by people that have an entirely different view of things.

We got Hawkeye:  Yeah, I know...it's just a dog.  But really, he's not.  He is a friend, caretaker, and loyal ally.  When any family member is gone, he worries sick until they return.  This month without the girls is killing him.

My dad almost died:  I've posted about this before, and won't go into detail again now, but I stop by to say "hi" more often.  I appreciate his wisdom more.  I ask his advice more.  I worry about him more.  I wonder if he's OK.  My parents are both awesome folks, and I don't want to think about EVER losing either one of them.  I live in a bubble, remember?

I had an 11th anniversary: Hell, I didn't plan to make it 5 years, to be honest.  Both of us were married previously, and neither made it more than 2 years!  I am a pain in the ass, to be sure, but he puts up with me, and I love him dearly.  He works hard hours in the heat to provide for this family.  He's a husband and dad first, before all else.  Who could ask for more?

I found love for my brother:  Most kids fight with their siblings...it's the way things work.  Not many people understand how much I HATED him for so many years.  Gradually, over the past few years, the hatred has been replaced by love.  I'm not sure how or when, but I cried off-and-on for a couple of days after he left, and took beautiful Lyndsay with him.  I miss you, bro.

Well, that's it.  My past 5 years in a nutshell.  I linked to a few things, but not all.  I cried a lot typing this, but I needed it.  I'm going to bed.  I'm exhausted.