Do I want to be rich?

OK, there was a discussion at work a day or so ago.  It was me and some break-friends (or 12-minute friends) discussing money, the lottery, and wealth...three things that we know NOTHING about.

What would we do if we won the lottery?  Set up ourselves, our family and our friends, of course.  Big homes, nice cars, plenty of extras. Of course.  Wouldn't you?

Do we have "enough" money now?  Nope. None of us could answer "yes" to that one.  There never seems to be enough. NEVER.

Would we be happier rich?  The knee-jerk answer is "yes." A resounding YES!  But....

But...I work with some very wealthy people.  None of them are happy.  They may show signs of temporary happiness, but they aren't "happy."

I am poor.  My van broke down, and I can't afford to fix it.  My propane ran out and we had to buy, with a $50 upcharge for Saturday delivery.  I constantly rob Peter to pay Paul, and still have nothing.  No, we have less than nothing.  We are consistantly in the red.  N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

But, I am happy.  It could be insanity, but I don't think so.  We laugh.  We laugh at bad jokes.  We laugh at messy rooms.  We laugh at farts.  We laugh at animal antics.  We laugh.  Hell, we watch C.O.P.S. and laugh at the poor slob that got caught with drugs in the car.  We laugh, and we have fun.

Today, with no money...not a DIME to our names, we had a great time.  We saw Mom and Dad, ate two great meals there, watched some Nascar, laughed at old, stale jokes and generally had a good time.  I don't know what the rich folks do on the weekends, but they aren't smiling on Monday morning like I am. Nope, I think we've cornered the market on "happy."

Do I still hope for "rich?"  Yeah.  I still buy power ball tickets.  I still buy scratcher tickets.   I still talk about what I'd do with the money.  Frankly, though, I am content with my life.  Happy and poor. 

My Friday Memory

I know, I haven't done a Friday memory lately, but frankly, I've been struggling.  I'm doing one tonight, based on a school paper and a call to my brother.

I am two years younger than my brother, Jim.  I watch my kids interact, and I know that I had to annoy the HELL out of Jim.  I didn't know why he was such an ass, but now I know that I was causing most of it.  Kids are always an annoyance to older siblings.  That's life.

When we were growing up, I'd say something that I found VERY funny, or I'd tell a joke.  If Jim didn't think it was funny (it probably wasn't) he would fake laugh real loud.  It was a distinctive laugh that probably won't translate well into text unless you put emphasis on the first syllable, less on the second, and the most on the third.  It was, "BWAA HAA HAA!"

I hated that laugh.  I would get all upset, and run to Mom.  She found his antics a bit funny, so that was no help.  Now, we all do it.  Mom does it to me, I do it to Mom, Kevin, the kids, everyone.  It's a common phrase in our family. 

I called Jim the other night.  There was one of Natalie's papers in which she wrote something that she found funny, and then wrote "Bwaa haaa haaa!"  I bet nobody got it, least of all her teacher.  I laughed so hard I about choked, and called Jim to tell him about it.  He doesn't remember ever saying it.

WHAT????  You don't REMEMBER????  Oh buddy, it's ON now!  Just wait until you're here next.  I'll be fake laughing your ass right back to Georgia.  Don't EVEN get me started on the sneezes, you got that?

Survivor, Lice, beer and life...Nstuff

Well, things are turning around.  I got home to see an awesome sunset in the making.  I wish that my little point-and-shoot could capture the color.  I'll get there...I'm sure it's operator error...anyway, the beauty makes me hate winter a bit less.

Survivor was good...it always is.  The kids were set to go, the cardboard pizza was done, the IBC and beer was cold. It was the start of a great evening.  We all watched together, enjoying the Pringles.  It's such a tradition now, I hope the show never ends.

After the show, I had Natalie shower.  She showered this morning, to rid her head of mayonaise...shampoo'd twice, even.  Tonight, I knew I had to comb out her hair.  Every time I've used the Rid shampoo, I've found at least a couple of live lice on her, as well as eggs and nits.  (yes, there is a difference.  Nits are empty eggs.)  This time, I found two tiny dead ones, and no eggs or nits.  Holy Shit.  This just may do the trick!!!!!

After we were done, Kevin, Brett, and Monica watched Antique Roadshow.  B.O.R.I.N.G. OK, I've watched before, and it's not awful, but there is so much more on TV...exciting and fun shows.  Anyway, they enjoyed it.  Now, I'm just going to sit back and be happy that things are appearing to turn around.  Who knows what tomorrow brings?  I certainly don't.  It doesn't matter.  Right now, right this minute, things are looking up.

StuffNStuffNMoreStuff

Well, life goes on, doesn't it?  We have had so many trials, and so many blessings, but the trials always pop into my mind.  Damn human nature.

We have fought lice four times this school year.  I'm sick of it.  I used to work day care, so I know what to do.  The beds, the furniture, the heads, the pillows, EVERYTHING.  I KNOW what to do....yet they come back.  I am sure there is a kid there who isn't getting rid of them, but I can't control that.  I can only fix it when it happens.  The last time we did the shampoo stuff on Natalie, I sat her down to comb thru her hair, and there were a few live ones.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?  The stuff should kill them.  Period.  It didn't.  I called the doc.

Yeah, he agrees with the home remedy that everyone has heard of, but nobody believes.  He said to put mayonaise in her hair, wrap it in plastic, and leave it overnight.  Tonight, we did it.  Now, I love mayonaise.  I really do.  But the smell of THAT much mayo at one time made me gag.  I was almost physically ill.  I got it done, wrapped her head in plastic wrap, and put a shower cap on her.  I'm sick of it.  I'll try anything.  Her coat has been washed, her sheets will be washed first thing in the morning, while she showers.  The stuffed animals are stuffed....in a bag.  I am praying that this fixes it.  If not, I fear I'll go crazy...literally crazy.

The little car is working out well.  It got hot the first day, but JJ (the awesome neighbor) and Kevin agreed that it was probably an air bubble in the system.  It hasn't done it since.   We can't use the passenger door, which is a drag, but other than that, it's all gravy.  I gotta get into Dad's shop in the morning and get an ice scraper out of the van.  I bet there are three or more in there, but not a single one in the LeBaron.  That sucks when the frost is on.

We are still climbing out of the hole that we dug ourselves into the past two weeks.  I think we can beat the wolves off for a bit, but it's gonna be tight around here for a bit.  Mom and Dad have been great about it, and helped us out a lot.  I don't know what I'd do without them.  Honestly.

Work is work.  I can't say much more than that.  There have been many decisions made.  Some good, some bad.  All I can do is watch it play out and see what happens.

I pray for some financial relief.  I pray for Russ's parents.  I pray for my own parent's health.  I pray for my kids and husband.  I pray for my mother-in-law.  I pray for warmer weather.  God forgive me, I pray for a night out with my husband without financial worry.  I pray.  Yeah, I pray...what else are ya gonna do?

Well, I had a tough week.  I had a bad week.  Hell, I had a SHITTY week. 

First, the flu hit the Fierro household.  We were feverish, sickly, whiney, downtrodden folks.  I mean, SICK.  We started pulling out of it. 

Then the van broke down.  Not just broke down, because that is an understatement.  The alternator broke O.F.F.  BROKE OFF!  Apparently (Dad looked at it) the back bolt (there are two in front, one in back) vibrated loose and out, and the torque of the belt broke the bracket.  The bracket is $130, since we can only find it at the dealer, and the belt is about $50.  OK, plan B.

The LeBaron could be fixed for $50.  $45 for a passenger side window, and less than $5 for a thermostat and gasket.  Done deal, I bought the parts.  Friday night, I was home with Dad's car (thanks Dad) and the parts for the LeBaron ('89 LeBaron folks, and wrecked once....not a pretty sight.)

Kevin woke up Saturday before anyone should be awake (Russ was still at Pogo, I'm sure) and got ready to go to his mom's.  His sister had insisted on paying for fuel, and I'm glad she did.  Linda really needed him there for the service.  Anyway, he wakes me up at 4:30ish and says....are you ready folks?....he says "Honey, we're out of propane."

I guess, if it's under 10% in the tank, the gauge isn't entirely accurate.  Sure, we were pushing it to the limit, but we keep the house at 59 degrees at night and when nobody is at home, and never over 65.  I really...WE really thought we could get by until Friday....WRONG.

Coldest morning of the year (it got down to 2 degrees) and we have no heat.  Awesome.  I told Kevin to get his ass out of here fast (it seems I'm bad luck) and go be with his mom.  At 8:15, I called for propane.  There is a $50 fee for Saturday delivery....is this an emergency?  HELL YES!  Maybe not an emergency for the propane company, but it was sure as HELL an emergency for us.  We were COLD!

The kids got quilts and blankets, and we waited.  She said she'd call back when she knew when they could be here.  We waited.  And waited, and waited.  I decided that, if I hadn't heard anything by 1:00, I'd call back.  The guy showed up at 12:15.  He put 250 gallons in the tank and lit the pilot lights.  Now, time to fix the car.

I had warned Brett that he was going to drive the LeBaron, with no passenger side window, to Dad's.  After all, he can't drive Dad's car, and that's all we had.  We both bundled up, and we cut the tarp off the poor little beast.  It wouldn't start.  Well, it probably would have, but I didn't want to run the battery down.  Brett was off the hook.

We went to Mom and Dad's, and the kids settled in to annoy Mom on her day off (Mom babysits the girls all week, I hate for them to be there too much on the weekend.) and Dad and I headed out with the battery charger and some starter fluid.  It started, and we got it out there.  The thermostat was a non-issue...then there was the window.

It just won't line up.  A neighbor offered to put it on the machine to realign the frame, which will probably help, but for now, NOBODY opens the passenger side door.  We climb over.  I don't care, just so I have a car to drive to work.

We got the van on Sunday.  Not only did the bracket (the part that can only be found at the dealer for almost $150) break, but there was a puddle of antifreeze under it.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?  Well, we'll look into that after the alternator bracket is purchased.  *sigh*  I still have to try to find that one.  Anyway, Dad helped me get the van to his house on the trailor (thanks again, Dad) and we got it taken apart.  I watched the end of the Daytona 500 and we came home.

Today wasn't a ton better, but nothing new broke, so I'm counting it as a plus.  Kevin's work put him in a foul mood, my evening errands put me in a foul mood, and Brett didn't do ANYTHING that he was supposed to while he was home ALL DAY.  It's OK.  Nobody got killed over it, the girls are having quiet time before bed, and Brett is upset, but getting ready to do the dinner dishes.

Now, for a few GOOD things from the weekend:  Kevin got to attend his brother's memorial service.  Another firefighter found one of Steve's "bunker gear" coats, and has it set back for Kevin.  My daddy bought me beer!  McMurray did great at Daytona until he hit the wall in the second-to-the-last lap.  I saw a couple of good movies.  I have a house!  My parents rock.  No, really.  You have NO idea how much my parents rock.

Sing with me, now

"Gloom, despair, and agony on me..."

This has been an awful week.  We started the week with the flu.  Natalie had it, Monica had it, Kevin had it, and I had it.  Brett came home from his dad's house quite healthy.  By Wednesday, Brett had it.  Damn flu.  We were so sick, we were fighting death.  We (all but Brett) started getting better by Thursday...then the van broke down.  Damn.  It didn't just break down, the alternator fell the HELL off!  FELL....OFF!!!!!

The bracket that holds it on can only be found at the dealer....$150.  OUCH.  Plus, the belt that was lost because of it is $50.  Shit.  OK, plan B.  We fix the LeBaron.  The broken passenger side window can be bought for $50, and the thermostat is less than $5.  I bought the parts to fix the LeBaron, and thought we'd make it until next week....NOT.

Kevin was leaving for Carthage this morning.  I'm so glad he went.  His mom needed him.  His sister offered to pay for the gas.  Thanks, Susan.  Anyway, he's ready to leave and he woke me up.  He what???  Why are you waking me up?

Oh.  We're out of propane.  The coldest night of this winter, the wind chill is -7 and we have no heat.  Cool.  No, seriously...COOL!  I can't wait to see what else life can throw at me.  If my left arm fell off, I'd look over my shoulder at it and shrug, saying "well, maybe I can buy another one next week."  There's always next week.

The propane folks said that, yeah, they can deliver on Saturday, for an extra $50, and the total must be paid today.  I said, "Look, my husband is out of town, my van broke down this week, we've all had the flu, and I would really appreciate it if you could hold my check until Thursday."  she agreed, and I wrote a check for over $400.  Bitch, gripe, grumble, complain.

I don't know what to say, and I don't know what to do.  The poor, sad, 17-year-old LeBaron will get me around for a while.  My daddy bought me some beer.  My husband got to be at Steve's service, and my house is warm.  Glass half full?  Maybe.

I have so much to be thankful for, and so much to complain about.  I choose to be thankful.  Thanks, Mom.  Thanks, Dad.  Thanks, Kevin.  Thanks, God.  Yes, thanks, God.  Some would see this as being abandoned...I see it as a test of spirit.  My spirit is here, man...here.  Let's rumble. 

Good night, and good Day.  I will be fine...hell, I *AM* fine.  Finer that frog hair, I am.  Hide and watch....we'll suprise you every time.  We're from a strong stock....bring it on, baby!

Tryin' for Happy

OK, so I can't sleep for worrying, so I decided to suck it up and look for "happy."  Happy is usually easy to come by for me, so I looked around.  My aquarium makes me happy.  I fed the fish and watched them for more than 20 minutes.  The shark has grown so much.  I took some pictures, then looked for a "before" picture of the shark.  WOW!  He's grown more than I realized!  The fish calm me.  Thanks, fish.

I found a picture, still sitting in my camera, of Kevin.  We were headed to a house warming party for a co-worker.  The truck needed fuel.  He hopped out, in the cold, with blustery, blowing snow.  It doesn't look it in the picture, but it was COLD!  He saw me pointing the camera at him and smiled.  Kevin isn't happy with his current weight, and avoids pictures at times.  Kevin isn't happy when it's cold.  Kevin isn't happy with the price of gas.  Kevin is "angry dad,"  but....BUT, Kevin knows how much I love taking pictures, and he smiled.  Such a small thing, but such a huge gesture.  He smiled for a picture in freezing temps without a jacket.  I love you, honey.

The other pictures are sky pics, that I take at least 10 of each week.  I delete most, since they're taken out the window of the van, and usually blur.  Sometimes, I hit on a winner.  I put two here.  I just wanted to find some peace tonight.  I found my peace.  Thank you, fish.  Thank you, Kevin.  Thank you, God-given sky.

'nough said.

Losing the battle

Ever had one of those days..no...weeks...no...months...no...lives?  OK, it's not as bad as that, but it's bad.

I missed some work due to illness (mine, and the family's.)  I had to make up the missed work, since most of my job can't be done by anyone else (seriously, what if I die?  Then what will they do?)  My van broke down last night, to the tune of at LEAST $250. (can you say "when it rains it pours"?)

Something didn't get entered into the checkbook.  My fault?  Probably.  The snowball effect of a result killed us this week.  We used to live like this every week, no more than 2 years ago, but I'm not used to it any more.  I don't know what we'll do.  I was depressed all day over it, and that accomplished nothing.  Being sad doesn't fix anything.

Saturday is the 2 year anniversary of the death of Kevin's brother, Steve.  His mom wants....no, scratch that...NEEDS him down there, and he had planned to go.  It will NOT happen, now.  There is to be a service and she needs the support.  Ain't happenin'.  He told her, and it was like a dagger going into her heart.  She is as broke as we are, yet offered to get the money we need.  Bless her heart.  We can't let her go into debt that she can't repay, just to fix our stupid errors.

The wind is howling outside, and it adds to the depression.  I don't get depressed often.  I'm usually the upbeat, glass-half-full person at home and at work.  I can see the bright side of just about anything.  Not today. I think sometimes I just need to be sad.  There was no beer for Survivor tonight, but I had enough cash left to get the kids their IBC rootbeer and a can of Pringles.  No need for them to suffer for my mistake, right?  They're none the wiser...why bother kids with money issues.  A person shouldn't drink beer when they're depressed anyway, so it's for the best.  Actually, I'm still recovering from the flu, so it's a good thing.

I should be thankful...Hell, I AM thankful.  I have a wonderful Dad who lets me borrow his car for a couple of days.  Otherwise, I'd be taking Kevin to work at 5:30am, coming back home (25 miles each way) to get the kids ready, and going to work (40 miles.)  I have a wonderful Mom who watches my kids through health and sickness, and lets me postpone payment for a week when needed (P.S.  It's needed this week!)

The kids are happy with so little.  They don't demand a lot, or even ask a lot.  When they DO ask, they accept a "no" with such grace.  I have a home that I can call my own.  I have a hard-working husband and many extras.  For example:  We have cell phones for when the van breaks down, "grandma-great blankets" for the cold nights, warm coats to fight the sudden cold spell, friends who offer love and support, and little things like journals, to spill your guts and get past the crying spell.

Yup, this journal earned it's keep tonight. 

Sleep well, friends.  I'll be better tomorrow.  I always am.

Winning the battle

Well, I checked outside this morning...I think the Grim Reaper has left for now.  He was looking pretty confident for the past few days.

We went out for a bit Saturday evening, and when we got home, Natalie was lying on the couch groaning.  She had a temp. of 102.  Crap.  By Sunday morning, Monica felt bad, and by Sunday evening, Kevin and I had it, too.  The flu is an ugly beast.  Kevin's temp spent close to 24 hours hovering around 104.  Mine topped out at around 102.5, but normal for me is 97.7, so we were both in pretty bad shape.

I came home early Monday and grabbed the girls from Mom's and we came home and went to bed.  Kevin came home a short time later, and went to sleep himself.  I tried to go back to work yesterday, but came home midday again.  Today, Kevin went back to work, and I'll check the girls temperatures when they wake up, but I think they can go back today. 

There's only one problem.  Brett came up the stairs coughing and groaning shortly after 6.  The verdict?  A temp of 101.1.  Crap, it's his turn.  Poor kid.  I gave him some medicine and sent him back to bed.  Maybe we'll all be back to normal by the weekend.  If I never get that sick again, it'll be too soon.  I don't typically do this.  The last time I was that sick was Thanksgiving '01.  I just usually avoid the crap.  Oh well, back to work, back to life.

I Love today!

I got done with all of my work by 4:30, and was able to jack around and visit for 30 minutes...that hasn't happened since I took the new position.

Survivor is on tonight.  'nough said.

They are replaying the Grey's Anatomy episode that I missed on Sunday, supposedly the best so far in the series.

ER is on.  Damn, what a night for TV. 

I've picked my Survivor fantasy league team, the cardboard pizza is almost out of the oven, the kids have their IBC, and I splurged on Michelob Ultra®.  LOL, don't you just love that I learned to make a trademark symbol???  I've learned so many cool things lately.

Now, my friends, I must retire to my recliner.  Have a lovely Thursday evening, I know I will!!!!

Close inspection of a hotel room

Well, I'm home, and I'm happy.  There are pictures about stuff I find interesting in a hotel room, but not much else.  I'll be back soon, but for tonight:  I'm so glad to be home. 

Another day in Indy

I awoke this morning to a snowy view.  I love snow (sorry honey, but I do!) and took a few shots.  After showering and drinking too much coffee, I headed to breakfast.  I was the youngest one there by more than a few years, and they all knew each other better than I knew them, but breakfast was good.  I don't typically eat breakfast, but I learned a lesson long ago...there is no "lunch" when working a trade show, so you better eat a big breakfast.

We got the booth set up and it was 5 minutes before show time....then it happened.  I had a "wardrobe malfunction"...(sorry, it IS Super Bowl Weekend!)  I tore the knee in my khakis.  SHIT!  I busted butt back to my room and changed into my only other non-denim pair of pants...black pants...I was wearing a black sweater.  Crap, I'm glad I brought 3 H&H sweaters to a 2-day show.  I changed sweaters and headed back.  I hope nothing happens to the black pants before tomorrow afternoon!

I planned to take pictures during the trade show, but we were too busy.  That is excellent news.  Busy is good.  The lab pays premium moolah for us to be here, so we need the exposure (photographic pun intended.)  I will try to take some more pictures tomorrow.

After the show, I had a couple of hours of down time that I really needed.  I run around the lab all day, but standing for 4 hours in a small area is hell on one's feet.  Finally, I headed out with some fun customers for dinner. 

We went to a place called "The Palimino" and had a good dinner.  I'm glad I wasn't paying, since the tab was almost $140 before tip.  Sheesh.  Thanks, boss, for the treat.  These friends/customers showed me "the circle" in downtown before heading back.  It's a great city, really.  I'm glad they were my escorts.

When we got back, she told him to go in and attend the awards ceremony, and she would meet him at home.  She took me (her idea) to get some beer and to get some for him.  LOL  My boss would CRAP if he thought I got a customer to take me to a liquor store, but it wasn't my idea!  HONEST!  I staged the last picture for Kevin, but it was fun dreaming it up.  The Pringles and cookies were packed in my checked bag.  I hate paying room service prices for luxury stuff that I would NEVER charge to my room (meaning, my boss.)  Plus, beer is $3.50 a bottle here, plus gratuity.  IKES!

I will go to sleep soon, and get up to do it again tomorrow.  It sucks that I'll be travelling through the Super Bowl.  I'll get to see the first little bit in an airport, but miss the majority of it.  I hope to be home in time for Grey's Anatomy.  I love that show, and it promises to be a great episode.  Sheesh, I'm too wrapped up in TV.

Well, time to turn in.  I hope my friends are doing well out there in J-land.  I'll be safe at home by 11 tomorrow night, and will have a hectic Monday, but it's worth it.  I have a great job to be thankful for, great customers that make it worth doing, and a supportive family waiting at home.  I'm blessed for sure.

See ya Monday, Mom.

Destination: Indiana

Well, my flight left KC at 9:15.  We had a 50 min layover in Chicago, and got to Indianapolis on time.  It's been alternating between sun and clouds, but 2-4" of snow is expected by tomorrow at noon.  Ick.

My customers, that I was supposed to take to dinner, decided that tomorrow would be better, so I had from 4:00 to infinity to myself.  Sweet, sweet silence.  I played on the computer, watched some TV, and eventually had room service for dinner.  It's only my second venture with room service, and I still like it!  LOL  I really needed some down time.  I just wish Kevin could enjoy it with me.  Some day, honey.  I promise.

Tomorrow, we'll work the trade show from 11-3, then I'll have a couple of hours to relax, then I'll take a couple of cool folks to dinner.  One of my favorite customers, actually.  I hope to be back early, to get some good ZZZZs, since I'll be getting in to KC at 9 something, and home around 11 on Sunday night.  Saturday night's sleep may be the thing that gets me through work on Monday....ok, I've confused myself, never mind.

I miss the family, and I'm getting a bit lonely (I always do around bed time...I miss my husband and my kids) but I'm in a warm room with a huge soft bed, and I'm going to bed soon, so all is good.  My job has perks, that's for sure.

I was trying to find Peyton for Russ, but the best I could do was a 3" circle ad in the city guide type magazine in the room.  Maybe I'll have more luck tomorrow, buddy.

Wednesday garbage

I put in 13 hours at work today, so I'm a bit tired and pissy, but let's keep this upbeat, shall we?

Survivor starts tomorrow.  YeeeeHaaaawwww!  I'm ready.  More ready than you can imagine.  As soon as it's over, I'll have to start packing for my trip, but I'll enjoy that hour like I have an eternity to sit on that couch.

Friday morning, I'll head to the airport.  I hate MCI.  Anyway, I was going to get Mom to come over here early, and leave while the girls slept.  I figured today that I can leave at 6:30 and make it there in time, so I'm not going to.  It would be easy (although a copout) to let mom wake them up, but I'd rather say "goodbye."  Natalie will shed a few tears, but she gets better every time.

Indianapolis is expecting 33 degrees and snow showers on Saturday.  Bah Humbug.  I picked up my clothes from the cleaners, as well as the 3-4 items that Kevin and Brett threw in...the bill was $53!  ACK.  Anyway, all of my work sweaters/shirts are clean and pressed now.  I can pack after Survivor tomorrow, and be ready to roll.  Kevin, the kids, and the dog are apparently heading to Carthage for the weekend.  I hope the dog behaves.  The others can fend for themselves.

I've put in a tough week, and I'm ready for a few evenings in a quiet hotel room.  I will get some work done, and update my journal, but have no REAL responsibilities in the evenings.  PHEW!  I hope there's a good eatin' joint there.  Room service sounds awesome.

It's Februrary 1 and we still lack Kevin's W2.  Sheesh.  They probably mailed it yesterday.  I hate this waiting game.  I want my refund, DAMMIT!

Oh, something I forgot to tell Mom in my reply to her journal entry...my aquarium was loud because the water level is getting a bit low.  The water is falling almost 2 inches to hit the surface, so that's what you hear.  I'll add water....honest!