OK, here's the deal: This is a VERY stressful time where I work. Busiest time of the year, and emotions run high. For the past 3 days, I've cried at least once a day, usually making it into a bathroom stall so nobody saw the weakness. I don't cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm pissed. I've been pissed a lot lately. I've been lectured, yelled at, talked down to, and sighed at. I've had eyes rolled at me, arms crossed at me, and been told that my problems are unimportant. I've been used as a doormat just minutes after saving someones ass. Yeah, I've been abused. Thus is my life at this job.
Last night, I had a miniature nervous breakdown. I went to bed early, in order to get up before 4 for statements. I got snuggled into bed just fine, then started sobbing uncontrollably. Let me be the first to say B.U.L.L S.H.I.T. No WAY am I going to let a JOB do this to me.
I like my job. I love what I do, and I'm damn good at it. I am better than 3/4 of the other CSR's at that friggin' lab. I have many duties piled on top of my CSR responsibilites. I am good at those, too. I can multi-task and organize and supervise...all while fixing a problem for a customer. I love this gig....so why have a breakdown?
No more. NO. MORE. If I want to keep this job (and I do,) then I need to get over it. I can't control other peoples actions. I can only control my reaction to the situation. If they break me, they win. I will keep a good attitude, smile, and nod. I will offer honest explainations for what's going on, and do what I'm told. If I always do the right thing, then I have nothing to worry about. If I get fired for it, then it's not the job for me. I'm OK with that.
Today was statement day, as well as the first day of my new attitude. I got there at 5:20 to find that the password for statements had been changed. Nobody from IT was expected for over an hour. OK, breathe. Not my fault. I finally got someone on the phone, who accessed the password. Things started rockin' and rollin'. Then, some dude showed up and unhooked the printer. HUH? Yup, seems it needed cleaned. When I asked if I'd lose my statement data, heanswered, "Ummm, I'm not sure...I don't think so." Great. He suggested I take a break, so I did.
My boss called a bit later (after finding that I didn't lose my data) and asked if I was busy today...she had a special project for me. "ummmm," I said, quite eloquently, "it's statement day." "oh yeah, I forgot," she said. You're the owner, and you FORGOT about statements? OK, I can deal with THAT, too.
I had my mental nuts racked a couple of other times, but I just smiled and dealt with it. I rose to the challenges and looked damn good doing it. I refused to get into petty gripe sessions. I turned my back on a full frontal attack (yeah, he dropped the "F" bomb, jerk) and I actually had a customer leave a voice mail for my boss, telling how awesome I was. It could have been a rotten day, but I wouldn't let it. It was a good day.
I am damn good at what I do. I intend to keep doing it. Customers love me, and coworkers love me. Yup, I'm staying, so I might as well adapt to a new attitude. I can't control other's actions, I can only control how I react to those actions. Another note tucked into my mind is this: He who angers me controls me. I will NOT be controlled by someone without my best interest at heart. I am not angry, I am stronger. Stronger and better. Thanks, dill hole.
8 comments:
You got it. And remember, just "play the game".
You Go Girl! You can't let them get you down, or they win! Hang in there, January is coming <g>
Hang in there...sounds like hell... take care of yourself, though. I understand the people you work with and the customers are great, but the boss sounds like an arse..and a job is not worth it, you are right about that. i hope it gets better, if not..i would find another job for sure..not all bosses are arses.
Robyn :)
I guess I'll be the hated one who suggests you might need a little visit with your family doctor. I don't automatically endorse pills as an answer to every problem -- but crying uncontrollably at work and home is not a good sign. Even though you have a new attitude, you might want to just explore the idea of giving your brain chemistry a little help.
If nothing else -- take a vacation day and go get a full body massage by some masseur who looks like Tony Gonzales. ;)
Love,
Russ
The attitude helps but you may need a little more help. I am with Russ on this one.
You go girl. That is so right. I too have let others control my emotions but no more, if they want to yell and be a jerk I just turn the sweetness up. That always confuses them and a lot of times they seem to loss their meaness if only for a moment in the confusion. lol Best of luck with the new attitude.
Dianne
I e-mailed you a song from my classicnet addy for times you want to cry.
Way to go girl! Think I'm just like a duck.....it rolls off my back like water on a duck. I am always praying Lord let me respond rather than react. A reaction is kneejerk, without thought or pause. A response is measured and tempered. :) - Barbara
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