Life N Stuff is GOOD!

I'm choosing "happy" as my mood, because folks are going to get sick of seeing "ecstatic" in that field.  I am just so darn full of happiness right now, there is no way to explain it.

We didn't do the kids' rooms tonight.  I know, I should, but we enjoyed a normal home life after work this evening.  Mom was gracious enough to offer leftovers of yesterday's wonderful meal for our dinner, since we have yet to go to the store.  This after she sat a half a day in my house, waiting for the cable guy.  Thanks mom.

Yeah, that's right, we have cable and INTERNET!  Back to normal feeling.  I am sitting here in my family room, surrounded on three sides by windows letting in a wonderful breeze, updating my journal from my new home.  Life is good.

My second favorite place in this house is the back porch.  It, too, is surrounded on three sides by windows.  It has a view of the river bottoms, and the breeze is delightful, since we sit on a hill.  The porch isn't finished; it needs drywall and light fixtures, and the floor is cement, but I sit at my poor old card table with the existing light turned out, so I can watch the neighborhood (in all it's quiet wonder) undetected.

The cats love all the windows, too.  They go from window to window, worried to death over birds and squirrels.  It's so funny to watch.  They didn't forgive us for the move for a full two days.  Stayed in hiding and ran from us at every turn, but they've become comfortable here now.

There are things that need to be done to my paradise.  I need to bring it out of the 70s in a lot of ways.  It needs carpet, eventually.  Although, it is clean and in good repair, it's quite old...and brown.  I don't like dark rooms.  My white lace curtains brightened it a lot, but I'll eventually get new carpet...After finishing the back porch, of course! :)

Yeah, I'll post pictures, tomorrow.  I took some today, but we got home kind of late, and I have to go to work 2 hours early to run statements, so I'm heading to bed.  It's nice to be back "home" here.  Thanks for all the congrats and blessings.

Settling in

Mom cooked a wonderful meal today, so we took a break to come eat, and I took advantage of the chance to update here real quick.

The house is incredible.  The upstairs is done, from curtains to pictures.  I'll take some pictures and post some as soon as I have internet.  That will have to wait until Saturday, since I'm not available 8-5 during the week. 

I will have some great moving stories, too.  Kevin worked his butt off to carry our washing machine upstairs at the townhouse, we moved it in, and now it's not working.  At least mom is close, so I can do a load or two here.  We're buying one from a friend of his next weekend.

Well, time to get back to work.  The basement is getting there, but there's a lot more to do. 

More hard work

Well, the girls room is steam cleaned, scrubbed down, and shut tight.  Ditto Brett's room and one bathroom.  The trailer is backed up to the garage, ready to load.  I'm sore and exhausted but so happy.

We are taking a quick computer/coke break.  We refuse to ask folks to help us move (let's face it, it's a crap job, and we like our family and friends too much for that) but we've got some family that wants to help, so that's great.  Mom and Dad have offered their services, as have my Aunt Charlene and her husband Pat.  Mom's even making Potato Soup (my favorite) tomorrow, so we can stop in for a quick bite of lunch.  Cool!

There are a few things left up in the air, like when they'll be completely out of the house, but we're in constant phone contact, and they're doing a lot to help us out (like leaving the big dumpster an extra day or two at no cost to us) so it's ok.  God Bless small towns.  Most sellers wouldn't give a crap about our needs.  They're shampooing the carpets tonight, and gave our kids a set of encyclopedias and we bought a bigger fridge and a deep freeze from them today (cheap!) LOL

Well, break time's about over, see ya 'round!

It's over!!!!!!!!!!!

It finally happened!  We are homeowners!!!!!!!!!

OK, we don't get to move in for two more days, but it's OURS, baby.  I kept feeling like it wouldn't happen, the whole time we were doing the closing.

1. Kevin's middle initials were wrong on about 3/4 of the paperwork.

2. Kevin's social security number was wrong on about 1/3 of the paperwork.

3. The assesment that we paid for in advance, was being paid for again in the closing costs.

Oh, there were more, but it worked out.  My uncle/realtor was getting pretty ticked before it was all over, and 90% of the mess was due to the mortgage company, who have been causing this heartache all along.  He will NOT be dealing with them again.

I should be real mad at them, but I'm not.  I'm just so freaking happy that it's over!  Since we won't have the same ISP, this journal will be affected.  Any pictures that are posted in an entry (not the YGP) will disappear.  Those are hosted on my online storage with Comcast, and when they cancel service, the pics will disappear. 

It will probably be a week or so before I have cable/internet again, so my posts will be few and far between, when I get a chance at Mom's house.  Thanks for all the support you all have offered in comments, and for all the thoughts/prayers.  They helped.  Thanks for the green candle too, Russ.  I'll take all I can get.

Peace out!

Grrrrrrrrrr

Today's surprise?  Closing will now be at 1:00, not 9:00.  No problem, right?  I AM FREAKING OUT AND NOW I HAVE TO WORK A HALF DAY WONDERING WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN!

There, that's better.

Another day (full of torment)

Well, another day has passed.  In 35 hours, we'll be closing on our house.  Today, we were thrown not one, not two, but THREE more curve balls.  We caught them.  I am freaking out, hardcore, but it's working out so far.

Heck, the mortgage folks just confimed Kevin's employment today...TODAY!  Preapproved my fat white butt!  Then they mentioned that *WE* needed to get an insurance quote.  We've never bought a house before, but when we were told it was included in the closing costs, we thought it was handled by them.  WRONG.  The termite inspection wasn't done?  Oh, no problem, call me 2 days before closing, I'll handle it, dangit!

Anyway, we're catching the curve balls and calling strikes.  I will do what it takes to make this happen, as long as it's in the realm of possibility.  They say that they are just waiting for one final piece of paperwork, which we'll fax first thing tomorrow morning.  They say that'll do it.  They say that it's done. They say a lot, but it's all crap.

I'll never buy another house.  It's too much stress.  If I win 40 million dollars in the lottery, I'll just build on.  Build out and up, that's my motto.  It's too much trouble to buy a house.  Even if I had cash to offer, I'm sure they'd want a certified check instead.  I won't do it again.  Wellington is where I'll live out my years.  Never.Again.  If I win the lotto, I'll have a 15 story house, but I won't move.

Will it be worth it when we're sleeping there on Sunday night?  Yes.  Will we laugh about it in retrospect?  Yes.  Will we forget the hassle soon?  NO WAY!  I can't take the stress.  I'm weak.  I'm done.

Tired, and sans kids

The girls stayed in Carthage when we came home yesterday.  It seemed weird for them not to be here.  We were pretty busy, so it wasn't horrible, but it was weird.

Today, Brett left for his dad's.  He'll stay there all summer.  Now things are REAL weird.  Just me and Kevin.  How do you handle that?  Get busy working  your ass off, in preparation for moving.  Tonight, we tackled the girls' room.

First, we cleaned the living room, and moved everything against the wall, ready to load.  No need to have the living room set up, when we don't spend any time in there.  Then, we started carrying stuff down from the girls room.

Kevin disassembled the bunk beds, I packed boxes.  It all went down until the room was empty.  Then we vacuumed and scrubbed down the walls.  Finally, we hung a mini blind, to replace the one with the broken slat.  That room is done, except for cleaning the carpets.

Brett said he'd come home Thursday or Friday to pack up his room.  Thursday, we'll probably pack up our room, which will mean an end to internet until service is established in the new house.  In the mean time, we'll pack up the downstairs bathroom, linen closet, and most of the kitchen.

Dang, moving is hard work.  It also makes for boring journal entries.  Sorry 'bout that.  I am tired and ready for bed, but felt the need to document my hard work.  You suffer for it.  LOL.  I'm excited, and happy, and lonely, and tired.  So many emotions at once.  I bet I sleep good tonight!

A busy weekend

What a busy weekend.  The wedding was beautiful, even though I hate weddings.  It seemed unreal, "little Emily" getting married.  Yes, she's a very responsible adult, but I still see her as the little girl. 

The girls stayed down there with Linda, and we'll see them on a weekend or two in the next month, before they head home.  I already miss them!  LOL

We finally got to see Brett's car.  It's an '89 LaBaron convertible.  Very cute and runs good.  He got a good deal.  He took me for a short ride in it tonight.  I'm so happy for him.  The chicks will go wild for him now! LOL

My horse is a psycho, but more on that later.  He didn't dump me or anything, just got pretty psycho after running up "itchweed hill."  That might explain it. LOL

More later!

Lots of happenings

Well, so much has happened, I don't know where to start, so I'll just jump in:

Today, although several folks took vacation days, I was caught up.  Yes, I was caught up at work.  This hasn't happened since mid March, and when it happened yesterday, I was somewhat stunned.  Today, I kept pace and was still caught up when I left.  What a good feeling to know I won't be behind when I get to work on Monday.

I leave work at 5, and daycare closes at 6...no problem, usually...it's a 40 minute commute.  Today, I had to stop at the bank, then stop to pay a bill.  The bank line was 4 cars deep when I got there.  I stopped to pay the bill, still 15 min from home, at 5:45.  Fortunately, I was in Kevin's truck, so I was able to do 95 on the interstate.  Don't lecture me, my kids were waiting, dangit!

I got to the daycare at 5:59!  wooohoooo!  I picked them up, and bought them a cheap-o dinner.  Kevin had to go to mom's to borrow Dad's car (thanks dad) for our road trip to my neice's wedding in Carthage tomorrow.  The van needs an alternator, which we'll fix Sunday afternoon.  Anyway, it was all hurried and hectic until about 7. 

I had to pack the girls for a month-long stay with Grammy in Carthage.  We aren't a rich family with a lot of extra clothes.  All needs washed to send along.  I was paying bills online, packing suitcases, and deciding what needed done before the road trip.  Then, it happened.

The folks next door are a train wreck.  He's an abusive ass, and she's a doormat.  I've often wondered why she's with him.  She came over a couple nights ago, and confided that it was all gonna hit the fan, 'cause she found out that he "touched" her two teenage girls (she also has twin 7-year old girls.)  Oh hell.  We were livid.  Kevin stewed for a while, then called DFS.  We let it go at that.  Let's see what happens.

She came over tonight, and I kind of groaned.  How much more can you complain about without trying to fix it?  Anyway, I went downstairs grudgingly to see what she wanted, and she unfolded a piece of paper and handed it to me.  Yup, a restraining order!  AWESOME!  I'm so proud of her.  The locks have been changed, and he was served tonight.  I was an abused doormat for a while, and can't stand to see it in others.  Hypocrit?  maybe.

Anyway, congrats, Rochelle.  You're a strong woman with good kids who don't deserve that crap.  Now I'm all happy, and I was working on a night full of stress!  She won't see this journal, but I told her in person how proud I was of her.  I wish, for her, that we weren't going to be gone in a week.  I'll keep in touch to make sure she is all good, and her 4 girls, too.

Now, there's more work to be done, so I should get to it.  Life throws curve balls at you...you can catch them, miss them, or get hit in the crotch with them.  I choose to catch.  If I miss, I'll dodge them. I will NOT be hit in the crotch.  No thanks.  Curve balls are normal around here, and we deal with them quite well. 

More on Sunday, after the wedding (I hate weddings.)

The home buying adventure

I haven't posted about the house in a while.  There is a reason for this.  Everything is so up-in-the-air, I don't know what to think. 

We had a "pre-approved" loan.  They did the paperwork, and told us the amount that was pre-approved.  That means, shop for a home in that price range, and it's yours, right?  I guess not.  After the fact, after we were assured that we were approved, they started asking for W2's, tax forms, etc.  OoooKaaay, will provide. 

Then, the guy called and said, we might have to put 5% down, instead of the 100% loan.  Oh, sure, no problem.  We'll just CRAP out that cash, thanks.  We have been so upset.  It's working out (thanks to some very thoughtful, trusting folks) but it's so tough.  Then, the guy says that there's another company that might do the 100% thing.

Why the HELL didn't you check with them before forcing us to come up with 5%?  Anyway, we should have heard about that yesterday, and as of today, the guy hasn't heard.  The 5% down loan is a done deal, I guess.  If we have to go that route (and it's doable) then the house is ours.  It will also mean a lower interest rate, and earlier possibility of refinancing.  Both good things.  But borrowing for the 5% down will mean more payment.  Bad thing.

If we'd done like my parents, and kept our credit spotless, we wouldn't be in this position, but we didn't.  We entered this marriage with crappy credit, and it went downhill from there.  We've spent two years trying to fix it, and we're getting there.  I hate what we did with our finances, and wish I could erase it, but I can't.  All I can do is move forward.

The bottom line is:  The house is ours.  We will close next Thursday.  If things stay as they are, it's not optimal circumstances, but we'll be homeowners.  If things change, we'll be happier, but the house is ours, either way.  In 8 days, I'll hold the keys in my hand, and I'll cry with joy.  I'll have to go to mom's to post the details, since it'll be a few days before internet is hooked up, but I'll let everyone know.

Until then, I'll keep posting mindless drivel made in Window's Movie Maker or Photoshop.  Sorry, I can't keep rehashing the house deal.  It worries me to tears.

For my mother

Here ya go, mom.

For my smarty pants brother

Ok, smarty pants brother.  Speaking of gnomes, look what I did with Photoshop!

The actual picture of our house:

What our house will look like when the gnomes are gone:

I hope they like their new life, 'cause baby, they're gone!

Another irrational...fear?

So, I'm innocently watching the CMA awards, enjoying the music of some of my favorites, and WHAT DO I SEE????  Oh crap, it freaks me out.

It's the Blue Man Crew, or whatever those painted freaks are called.  I swear to you, I can't look at them.  Gives me the heebie jeebies.  I don't know what it is, but the first time I saw them, my stomach did a flip-flop.  Now, I have to spend the evening watching one of my favorite annual events, and jerk my head to the side every time they pan the friggin' audience.

Why are they there?  What is the significance?  Why, I say, WHY!?

sorry, hick with a new toy

One more.

A quickie

OK, not feeling much like posting, since I'm bordering on depression (wait, that's too dramatic.  I'm just nervous,) but Natalie cracked me up, so I decided to pop in for a quickie.  Before that, though, I must say that Sunday was awesome.  I took Brat for the longest ride we've had yet, and he was wonderful.  Mom and I took in the wonderful Missouri countryside, and I saw what remained of the train wreck.  Even though Brat almost went through the decrepit bridge, we all survived.  Maybe the long version will follow later.  Oh yeah, and check out my first time ever playing with window's movie maker!

OK, for the Natalie funny:  She has some, errr, ummm, digestive problems, that are inherited from my dad's side of the family.  She takes Miralax a couple of mornings a week (will probably be daily by the time she's a teen) to keep her "regular."  I have to ask the obvious question, "Have you pooped lately?" each day.  Yeah, annoying for all involved, but she'll go 3 or 4 days and not think to tell me.

So this morning, I asked, and she couldn't remember the last time she'd gone, so we did the Miralax thing.  Tonight, I told her to go take her shower.  It was FOREVER and the water still hadn't started.  I was trying to be patient, although I'm crabby today.  Finally, I said, "Hey!? Are you getting in the shower yet?"  She yelled back, "yeah, I just *now* finished going to the bathroom.  Oh, and I don't need Miralax tomorrow!"  ROFL!  I said, "OK Archie Bunker, thanks for the update!" and she started the shower.  What a laugh we had over that one.

Another post? What's the world coming to?

I know, I know.  There are times that I go 4 days or so without a post, then days like this come along and I post over and over and over!  Sorry, but I'm antsy tonight.

We've been packing quite a bit today.  I made a comment the other day that I don't lable boxes when I pack.  Everyone is amazed and appalled that I take that approach, but it works for us.  We've moved a LOT in our 10 years together.  We've lived in, I think, 7 places, and the move has always gone smoothly.

We don't have a lot of "stuff" that we don't use regularly.  That's why we can't pack much until the last few days.  When we do get moved in (usually a 1-day ordeal) we are unpacked in less than 2 days.  Since boxes don't sit around for weeks, I don't need to label them.

We move the furniture and large items in first, then the boxes all go into a large area, usually centrally located, like the living room.  One at a time, we unpack them.  When the tape is ripped off, if we see bathroom items, we lug it to the bathroom and unpack it.  If it contains sheets and curtains, then we know that pictures are wrapped in them, and we gently unpack the pictures while folding the curtains and laying them aside for hanging later.

It's not pure laziness that keeps me from labeling boxes, it's just not necessary for us.  We take posession of the house on Sunday on Memorial Day weekend.  By the time we go to work on Tuesday, the boxes will be flattened and ready for the trash men.  Done.

Yes, we'll be exhausted, but relieved.  I can't imagine what it's like for the folks I talk to who refer to boxes in the basement from their move over a YEAR ago. Wow.  What's it like to have boxes and boxes full of stuff you don't use?  I don't want to know.  I like my simple life!

Lots of blabbering

Imagine you're invited to the wedding of a beautiful princess, at the biggest castle in all the land.  It's set to be the biggest extravaganza of all time.  You arrive in your top-of-the-line attire, and find that everyone is wearing blue-jeans and sandals, smoking pot.

Imagine that you are given a million.  The call comes in that an unknown relative died and left you a cool million.  Then, when the day comes to collect, you find that it's a million garden gnomes.

That's what it's like to buy your first can of Pringles in THREE WEEKS, and find that over half of them are broken pieces.  DANGIT!  What a disappointment.  Yeah, fat chicks are hung-up on food, ok?  Deal with it, I do.

I can't wait to get to mom's tomorrow and meet the new guy.  Even Kevin is excited to meet him.  I got screwed out of a good ride today.  Well, I keep blaming Natalie in my head, but the fact is, I cut it short when I found myself being to short-tempered with her.  I had a grumpy afternoon, and was low on patience with her.  She's only 7, regardless of her size.  I need to remember that.

The Nascar race is going well, and Jaimie McMurray is battling for third right now, after Edwards winning the Busch race last night.  Rock on Missouri boys!

Yeah, we did more packing tonigh.  Both desks have empty drawers, and my closet shelf is bare (no small feat.)  I keep chipping away at it.  I am just ready for it to be over.  Two weeks, baby, two weeks!

Hard work and satisfaction

Well, I wasn't depressed when I wrote that last entry, not even a little bit, but it sure looks depressing looking back at it!

Kevin and I headed down and cleaned the garage and packed what would fit into boxes down there, then rearranged to make room for other stuff as we pack it.  He had an errand to run, so I thought I'd start bringing stuff up from the basement.  Boy, we have a lot of crap!

I wasn't going to do it all this morning, just the "storage" type stuff, camping gear, coolers, luggage, etc. off the pallets.  The problem was, the more I got done, the closer I was to being done, so the more I wanted to do!  Brett kicked in and offered to help, and we finished the basement!  Only things left down there are the washer and dryer.

An air hockey table is quite heavy.  When everything else was out of there, Brett and I collapsed the legs on it, then Kevin got home.  PHEW!  I don't think, wait....I KNOW that we couldn't have gotten it up the stairs without his help.  The stairs in this house have a 90 degree turn halfway up.  I swept it clean down there and fixed a tall glass of tea.

My body is tired as heck, but it's so satisfying to finish a tough job.  It's gonna be nice, when we're moving, to have that part done.  Besides, that was a project that Kevin and I were going to do tonight, and now my evening is free.  I can watch C.O.P.S. and fall asleep early.  I have such a wild weekend life.

Early Morning Thoughts

I woke up at 4:45 this morning, having gone to bed ridiculously early.  I woke up around 9:30 last night to get myself ready to pick Brett up from work, then he called to say someone was bringing him home.  Good deal, no need to put shoes back on!  After he got home, I watched a bit of TV and fell asleep again.  Around 12:30, Kevin's phone rang and freaked us both out.  (we don't startle well!) and it was a wrong number.

Anyway, although sleep was gained in short bursts, I awoke feeling well-rested, so I stayed up.  It's a cool 41 degrees outside, birds are singing for all they're worth, and the neighborhood is quiet.  All of the local hethens are sleeping it off this morning, thank God.  I sat on the front step sipping coffee for a while, thinking a million thoughts.

Two weeks from today, we will be 2-days past closing on our house, and 1-day away from holding the keys.  It's still a scary thought.  Finances pretty well suck right now.  We haven't recovered from the unexpected $310 for my dental safari.  It seems like, if you get behind, it's near impossible to catch up.

The alternator went out on my van on Tuesday.  Ouch.  We borrowed a battery charger (thanks for the idea, Dad) and charged the battery at night, so that it would get Kevin to work and home for the rest of the week.  I drove the truck, since my commute is three times longer than his.  Now, today, we get to buy an alternator.

We found out that we have to pay, in advance, for the appraisal of the house.  Great, another suprise.  Thanks to an early house warming gift from a dear relative, $200 of the $325 is taken care of.  Still, with the current state of our finances, it's putting the crunch on us.  I'm trying not to complain, honest.  We will have no rent due in June, and should get our full deposit back on this place.  It looks like we won't have a house payment due until mid-August, too. 

We should be caught up and fine by the first week in June.  That's not too far away, right?  It still makes me nervous.  Our finances are under a microscope now, and I can't afford to make any blunders.  Somehow, as depressing as all of this sounds, I was at peace while sitting on my front step, being serenaded by the birds and sipping my coffee.

Kevin and I have been through much worse.  MUCH worse.  We've had 6-month stretches of shut-off notices and phone calls.  We've had neither of those this time, and it's only three weeks this time.  I'll soon have a house that is MINE.  I'll soon be near my parents and my horse.  I'll soon have a yard that the screaming neighbor girls won't run across.  I'll have my view.  I'll be less than two miles from riding with my mom, instead of waiting for the weekend and driving twenty minutes.

Peace in the midst of chaos.  That is, in essence, the bubble.

Survivor, Palau

Well, it's Thursday, and that means Survivor is on.  Then, Sunday evening is the finale.  I'm ok with it ending, since Big Brother will be on this summer.  I know that my TV habit is not healthy, but most of my lifestyle isn't healthy!  Some great shows have come to an end, or are coming to an end soon.  A couple of my mostest favoritest (I know, I'm moronic) are:

Everybody Loves Raymond:  This show is dang funny, with a great cast.  Ray's mother is to his wife, what Linda used to *seem* to me.  Kevin and I laugh uncontrollably when we watch that show, and it's about over.  One more episode, I think.  That makes me sad.

NYPD Blue: I refused to watch this when Kevin and I first got married.  I hate David Caruso with a passion, and the show's premise didn't interest me.  After being bored and watching with Kevin once or twice, I was hooked.  It was very well written, had a wonderful cast of characters, and great storylines were the norm.  That show has ended, and Kevin and I had a month or so of mourning.

Other favorite shows ended a year ago, and I have to say that I miss them, but there is usually some new show that I snub for a while, then learn to love.  I am a TV junkie, and don't plan to change.

Have a great Thursday night, and a better Friday!  2 weeks from today is the closing date for our house.  EEEEK!

Not depressing, but griping somewhat

Well, I was better this morning.  Depression was mostly gone.  I got to work and was suddenly slammed.  More work than any two people could ever do, three days behind, slammed.  OK, duck your head low and get to it, sister.  That's just what I did, and I felt like, although I wasn't catching up, I wasn't falling any further behind.

Around 11:00, I started feeling funny.  My throat had a slight tickle, but nothing much.  By noon, my chest was a bit heavy, and the tickle was worse.  By 2:00, I felt like crap.  The air wasn't working in our area, and it was hot and miserable, and I didn't feel well. 

At first, I thought I was coming down with something.  Not a piddly cold, either.  Hard to breathe, coughing up nasty stuff (I know, TMI) and miserable.  Then I noticed that one person near me was sneezing quite a bit.  Another started getting a bit hoarse.  Oh yeah, my voice was leaving me, too, and I talk on the PHONE for a living, for pity's sake. 

I'm starting to wonder if the pollen is so bad that it is affecting me.  I don't "have allergies" typically, but Monica and Kevin (who both have them) are miserable this week.  Kevin's eye is swollen and red, they're both sniffling and coughing.  Dangit!  I don't HAVE allergies.  What's up with this?

Then, on the way home, I think my alternator went out on the van.  I made it home, but the volts were dropping mighty low, so I killed the a/c and radio and avoided stoplights when possible, so I didn't stall out in an intersection.  Kevin took a look, and he'll have it tested on the computer at O'Reilly tomorrow on his lunch break.  I can NOT, I repeat NOT afford an alternator.  For heaven's sake, I'm supposed to close on a house in two FRIGGIN' weeks!

I'm just staying thankful that it's paid for, and I have no car payment.  I can take care of this.  Yeah, ummm, I can handle buying an alternator.  Oh yeah, and the more electrical equipment you have, the more expensive the alternator.  I have a/c, rear a/c, stereo w/CD player, power windows, door locks, mirrors, TV, VCR, and rear stereo.  ACK!  Once again, breath in, breath out.  Oh wait, I CAN'T BREATH!!!!

OK, I took a break from the griping to close the windows and turn on the a/c.  It's over 85 downstairs and at least 10 degrees hotter up here.  No wonder I typed a million gripes tonight.  Maybe a good night's sleep will help, and a/c will help me sleep.  Come to think of it, it will probably help Monica and Kevin's allergies, too.  Hmmmm.  Maybe my stubborn attempt to NOT turn a/c on this month was stupid.  Frugal, but stupid. 

Blow a/c vent, blow.  Ahhhhhhhh.

Bad News

***Depressing Post Warning***

 

I don't know how much more bad news I can take.  I often avoid the news for just this reason.  There was a horrible bus accident today.  38 students had to go to the hospital, 3 with critical injuries.  Two cars were landed upon by the bus, and both of those drivers died instantly.  I don't know what happened yet, and I'm not sure I want to.  It won't make it go away.

A man and woman were in a fight, when he doused her with lighter fluid and set her on fire.  SET. HER. ON. FIRE.  WTH?  I've been pretty mad at someone before, but that is a special kind of evil.

There were several other horrifying stories on the news tonight.  The local news.  I couldn't bring myself to watch the national news, after that.  I am not prone to depression, but tonight I can feel myself fighting it off.  I am trying to raise my kids the best I can, and the whole damn world is falling apart.  I don't know what's wrong with people, and I'm trying my best to not let it infiltrate my bubble.

Breath in, Breath out.  Drink my diet Coke and watch some mindless sitcom.  God bless my bubble, make it strong.

Forgetting the camera

I was a bit upset that I forgot my camera today, but the ride was awesome, anyway.  We only went up the highway a short bit, but Buddy didn't flinch at all when cars/trucks/Harley's passed us.  He doesn't care, let's GO, DANGIT!  He was so ready to go.

Mom and I went between some fields and across some not-yet-planted fields and had a great ride.  Buddy wanted to run a lot, but the grass was so high, you never know where a washed out place or a hole might be, so I held him in check.  A couple of times, the grass was low and I could see the ground, so I let him canter a bit, and it was great.

At one point, on the way back, we were following Mom and Blue and I saw a big hole too late.  There was a metal pipe sticking out (drainage, I'm sure) and a hole under it, and Buddy stepped RIGHT in it.  He stumbled very briefly and kept going.  I was so worried, I made mom turn around and look at Buddy's leg.  No damage done, but dang, it could have been bad.  I'm so glad he didn't hurt himself.  I couldn't handle not riding for a time.  I am loving the way things are going right now.

If Buddy and I are in the back, he is constantly biting Blue's butt.  Not enough to hurt, and Blue doesn't flinch, but I want to break him of that.  At one point, Buddy reached out to bite Mom's leg.  I stopped him, and I'm not sure he was aiming at Mom, but I gotta make him stop.

I love my life.  I love riding across the countryside with my mom.  I want to get Buddy shod, so I can go down into the river bottom with Mom.  Dang, it's expensive to get him shod.  $85 I think.  I worry about bills, but Kevin says, "get it done!"  I want to do those things, but it's so expensive.  We'll see, when the farrier comes in June.

I had a great time today.  First, I rode with Mom for a good little trip, then, we met my best bud and her husband at Joker's Pizza Place.  Awesome food and a great owner.  Life is good.  Let's leave it at that.''

*oh yeah, edit*

I *did* hose Buddy off after the ride, and he did great, then I hosed Blue off.  Blue handled it much better.  Yeah, he didn't drink out of the hose like Buddy does, but he stands still MUCH better.  Good ol' Blue.  That horse ROCKS!

Cleaning house

Well, the landlord called last night.  Seems he has someone that may be moving into these townhouses, and he wanted to show them one.  Well, he asked if he could show ours since we're cleaner than most anyone who lives here.  As Kevin told me this, I looked around the house and got very depressed.  It is always so messy toward the end of the week.

I asked where he wanted to start, tonight, and he said, "I'll do the downstairs because..." (as he looked around our bedroom)..."this room scares the shit out of me!"  OK, that makes the upstairs mine.  I started on our room, including the closet, since they'll likely look in there.  The dust had taken over, and I could have grown crops on my desk and stereo.

After our room, I tackled the girls' room.  ICK.  I had to empty dressers of all unfolded clothes, and sort out some stuff that never gets worn.  Made a lot of room.  There is makeup all over the carpet in there.  Great.  I'm out of carpet cleaner, too.  I hope he was serious when we moved in and he said, "I'm not replacing the carpet in the bedrooms yet, I'll do that when you move out."  All of the carpet downstairs and on the stairs (which was brand new when we moved in) is clean and in good repair.

I have to go do the bathroom, then I'm done.  I'm tired and I want to go to bed, and tomorrow, I get to let strangers into my house and let them poke around my stuff.  I hate that.  We've been doing it to that poor lady we're buying the house from, so now I feel even more sorry for her.

Good night all.  Tomorrow I can give my little buddy a bath after our ride.  He likes to drink from the hose.  I think I may try heading down the road with him.  If you never hear from me again, it means that wild boy ran out in front of a truck or something!

My brother, Jim

I chatted with my brother tonight.  Yeah, I know.  No big deal to most, but it's a big deal to me.

You see, I hate my brother.  OK, not today, but I grew up hating my brother.  He would annoy me, tackle me, abuse me, neglect me, and sneeze on me (just ask mom!)  I wished he would go away.  Then he did.  He chose to defend our country in Desert Storm.  I started to admire him, but held on to part of the hatred.

When he'd come visit, I'd make sure I got to see him, but I still held that grudge.  Sometimes I'd feel antagonism where it may or may not have existed.  Sometimes there was nothing, but I'd look for a reason to ignore him.

The last few times he came to visit (from Georgia) I tried pushing that behind me.  It worked!  I saw him as he is.  He is Jim.  Nothing more, nothing less.  He is the bomb, and I'm better for knowing him.  I can now instant message him, email him, and talk to him when he's here (about two times per year.)  He has a lot to offer, and is an asset to this family.

Jim, dude, you're a good guy.  I miss you, and am glad that I grew up.  I hope that you are as happy as I am.  I want to be a sister, like an adult sister should be.  If you need something, anything, ever...let me know.  I'm here, bro.

Happy Mother's Day to ME!

After typing an entry about my mom, I started thinking about the kind of person that I am.  Nobody but Kevin could live with me.  I am lazy and annoying.  I am always cold, hungry, tired, or a combination of those things.  I like to be waited on, and don't like to wait on others.  I drink beer too often, and spend far too much time on the computer.

I am also a very loving wife and mother.  Don't talk bad about my husband or my kids...I'll kill ya.  I will give away the last piece of cake, saying "I don't much like sweets, anyway."  I will pick Brett up from work when Kevin falls asleep at 7.  I will take the kids to McDonalds for breakfast, even if it takes all the money I have for the rest of the week.

I am as likely to invite Kevin's mom over, as I am to entertain friends.  I may want to sit lazily at the computer, but I'll take the kids to Pizza Street.  I will sit with Monica while she does her math homework, when I'd rather be watching a favorite TV show.

I will pick Brett up from work at 10:00, three-four nights a week, even though I like to go to bed by 9:00.  I help him plan the best way to paint his room in "graffiti" instead of telling him how hard it will be to paint over, later.

I tolerate bowling and poker and golf on TV, even while someone is broadcasting The Breakfast Club on another channel.  I cover my head with my pillow when Kevin snores too loudly.  I don't smoke outside of my bedroom, because Monica has allergies.

Yeah, I am NOT ever gonna be mother of the year, but I have my good points. 

Please, anyone who reads this:  Search deep inside yourself and decide what is good about you.  What do you have to offer?  What makes you special?  Talents?  Gifts?  Anything?  Don't ever get caught in the trap of thinking that you could be better.  Try to better yourself while celebrating who you are.  Any takers?  Anyone wanna tell me what you've got?  It's gotta beat the heck out "not yelling too much!"

Happy Mother's Day (early)

My mother is the coolest. Sure, she was dumb as a box of rocks when I was a teenager. Somehow, as I grew older, she got much smarter. She has wisdom that no education can offer. She is smart and articulate and a very talented writer of songs and poetry. She loves animals, and understands the thoughts and feelings of every living creature.

Mom doesn't play little mind-games that other people play. She always tells the truth, when asked, but doesn't throw her opinion out when it's none of her business. There are many times that I know she wants to say, "I told you so." But she doesn't. She bites her tongue and lets it go. She doesn't meddle in our finances, although I know it makes her cringe when we buy something stupid. Although the rules are slightly different at "grandma's house," she doesn't tell me how to raise my kids.

Speaking of grandma's house, she keeps my kids every Saturday night. She is a working woman who enjoys solitude and quiet time on her computer, but she takes these two squealing, giggling, climbing girls and spends time with them. They bake cookies and play online and help care for animals. They learn things from her and I think she learns from them.

She boards my horse, free of charge. She has to let him out onto pasture and bring him back in, even after she's worked all day. She feeds my crew at least one big meal each weekend, when I'm sure she'd rather relax. She tolerates the sound of NFL games and Nascar races on her TV, although I'm sure there's something she'd rather hear.

She sees the world through eyes that are free of cynisism. The sunrise is more beautiful to her today than it was yesterday. She literally stops to smell the flowers. She finds comfort in spending the night in the woods on her property in a converted shed. She sees the beauty in lying under a water tower, gazing up from her position in the grass below. She takes wonderful pictures from the back of her trusted horse, and sees the "adventure" in getting lost on a road trip.

Mom loves her family. I used to get hot breakfast and full dinners. She never baked fish sticks or boxed macaroni and cheese, as I am so guilty of sometimes. Her husband is her life, and she will stop whatever she's doing to "warm up" his cup of coffee after dinner. She accepts my as I am, too. She didn't like the tattoo, but after giving me her honest opinion, she never brought it up again. Her grandkids gravitate toward that 43 acres of peace, when they could be partying with their friends. She takes time to teach them proper grooming of the horse before they ride, and even takes the same pains with the neighborhood children.

I hope that, someday, I can be half the woman she is. When I think I'm losing my mind and will never make it through a situation, I consider how she would handle the situation. She keeps her cool and makes adjustments and moves on. There is no need to panic, since she's lived through worse than this.

Yeah, my mom rocks. I wouldn't trade her for any mother in the world. I spent some time tonight, thinking of mothers. Fictional moms from television, mothers of my friends, other female relatives and those in books. I can't think of a single one who could even come close. I love you, Mom.

Irrational Fears

OK, ok.  I've caught a lot of flak about my irrational "garden gnome" phobia.  It's not like I believe that they could do anything, or that they're alive.  I'm not stupid.  I don't believe that they could climb up and look in my window.  They just creep me out.  I don't know why.  When I lie in bed and think about it (like I did last night), I can let my imagination make it happen, and I physically shudder.  It's stupid, and I know that.

I don't have a lot of irrational fears.  I will kill spiders if they invade my home.  I will let a black snake live, since they are good for pest control.  If a mouse is in my house, I'll set traps, but I won't shreak and run to climb on a chair.  Storms are cool, not scary.  I don't fear many things.  In fact, I don't exactly fear gnomes...they're just gross and creepy.  I could write a great horror flick based on gnomes.

Other people have irrational fears.  I've heard some of them, and think they're ridiculous.  I know that mine is, too.  Go ahead, search yourself.  There's got to be something there.  I don't avoid walking under ladders, I don't freak over spilled salt.  A broken mirror is just another mess to clean up.  Luck means nothing to me, good or bad.  I'll refer to "bad luck" or "good luck", but I don't think that luck really exists.  I'm pretty grounded.

The gnomes will be fine at mom's.  They will enjoy the beautiful Missouri countryside.  They will have a great view, and there is an outhouse nearby.  Please don't hate me because I need them gone.  Don't think me too crazy that I won't touch them when they're leaving.  I know they are ceramic and paint.  I don't care.  Nasty little creatures.  Someone could make gnome-sized replica's of my kids, and still, it would bother me.

Now, let's dispense with my mental instability.  I had a wonderful day.  Rode my horse alongside Blue carrying Jonathan.  His first ever time on a horse.  Then I rode with Natalie.  She's doing so well.  Yesterday, Buddy stepped on my foot and didn't know he was on it.  I had to push him off, and now I have a black/blue toe and a limp.  Dang.  He may be small, but he's still heavy.  Today, Blue got Natalie's toe.  We keep warning her to watch his feet and stay back, and he barely clipped her, but she's got to watch it, or stay away from him.

I can't wait to move into OUR house.  We are more excited by the day.  I can envision all of the things that we'll do to it.  Not all at once, because, let's face it, we're poor.  We have 30 years.  We'll get there.  One project at a time, as money allows.  I'm very happy with how it is now.  If I had to live there for the rest of my life with no changes, I'd be content.  Thanks God.  Thanks for this chance.