Do I want to be rich?

OK, there was a discussion at work a day or so ago.  It was me and some break-friends (or 12-minute friends) discussing money, the lottery, and wealth...three things that we know NOTHING about.

What would we do if we won the lottery?  Set up ourselves, our family and our friends, of course.  Big homes, nice cars, plenty of extras. Of course.  Wouldn't you?

Do we have "enough" money now?  Nope. None of us could answer "yes" to that one.  There never seems to be enough. NEVER.

Would we be happier rich?  The knee-jerk answer is "yes." A resounding YES!  But....

But...I work with some very wealthy people.  None of them are happy.  They may show signs of temporary happiness, but they aren't "happy."

I am poor.  My van broke down, and I can't afford to fix it.  My propane ran out and we had to buy, with a $50 upcharge for Saturday delivery.  I constantly rob Peter to pay Paul, and still have nothing.  No, we have less than nothing.  We are consistantly in the red.  N.O.T.H.I.N.G.

But, I am happy.  It could be insanity, but I don't think so.  We laugh.  We laugh at bad jokes.  We laugh at messy rooms.  We laugh at farts.  We laugh at animal antics.  We laugh.  Hell, we watch C.O.P.S. and laugh at the poor slob that got caught with drugs in the car.  We laugh, and we have fun.

Today, with no money...not a DIME to our names, we had a great time.  We saw Mom and Dad, ate two great meals there, watched some Nascar, laughed at old, stale jokes and generally had a good time.  I don't know what the rich folks do on the weekends, but they aren't smiling on Monday morning like I am. Nope, I think we've cornered the market on "happy."

Do I still hope for "rich?"  Yeah.  I still buy power ball tickets.  I still buy scratcher tickets.   I still talk about what I'd do with the money.  Frankly, though, I am content with my life.  Happy and poor. 

My Friday Memory

I know, I haven't done a Friday memory lately, but frankly, I've been struggling.  I'm doing one tonight, based on a school paper and a call to my brother.

I am two years younger than my brother, Jim.  I watch my kids interact, and I know that I had to annoy the HELL out of Jim.  I didn't know why he was such an ass, but now I know that I was causing most of it.  Kids are always an annoyance to older siblings.  That's life.

When we were growing up, I'd say something that I found VERY funny, or I'd tell a joke.  If Jim didn't think it was funny (it probably wasn't) he would fake laugh real loud.  It was a distinctive laugh that probably won't translate well into text unless you put emphasis on the first syllable, less on the second, and the most on the third.  It was, "BWAA HAA HAA!"

I hated that laugh.  I would get all upset, and run to Mom.  She found his antics a bit funny, so that was no help.  Now, we all do it.  Mom does it to me, I do it to Mom, Kevin, the kids, everyone.  It's a common phrase in our family. 

I called Jim the other night.  There was one of Natalie's papers in which she wrote something that she found funny, and then wrote "Bwaa haaa haaa!"  I bet nobody got it, least of all her teacher.  I laughed so hard I about choked, and called Jim to tell him about it.  He doesn't remember ever saying it.

WHAT????  You don't REMEMBER????  Oh buddy, it's ON now!  Just wait until you're here next.  I'll be fake laughing your ass right back to Georgia.  Don't EVEN get me started on the sneezes, you got that?

Survivor, Lice, beer and life...Nstuff

Well, things are turning around.  I got home to see an awesome sunset in the making.  I wish that my little point-and-shoot could capture the color.  I'll get there...I'm sure it's operator error...anyway, the beauty makes me hate winter a bit less.

Survivor was good...it always is.  The kids were set to go, the cardboard pizza was done, the IBC and beer was cold. It was the start of a great evening.  We all watched together, enjoying the Pringles.  It's such a tradition now, I hope the show never ends.

After the show, I had Natalie shower.  She showered this morning, to rid her head of mayonaise...shampoo'd twice, even.  Tonight, I knew I had to comb out her hair.  Every time I've used the Rid shampoo, I've found at least a couple of live lice on her, as well as eggs and nits.  (yes, there is a difference.  Nits are empty eggs.)  This time, I found two tiny dead ones, and no eggs or nits.  Holy Shit.  This just may do the trick!!!!!

After we were done, Kevin, Brett, and Monica watched Antique Roadshow.  B.O.R.I.N.G. OK, I've watched before, and it's not awful, but there is so much more on TV...exciting and fun shows.  Anyway, they enjoyed it.  Now, I'm just going to sit back and be happy that things are appearing to turn around.  Who knows what tomorrow brings?  I certainly don't.  It doesn't matter.  Right now, right this minute, things are looking up.

StuffNStuffNMoreStuff

Well, life goes on, doesn't it?  We have had so many trials, and so many blessings, but the trials always pop into my mind.  Damn human nature.

We have fought lice four times this school year.  I'm sick of it.  I used to work day care, so I know what to do.  The beds, the furniture, the heads, the pillows, EVERYTHING.  I KNOW what to do....yet they come back.  I am sure there is a kid there who isn't getting rid of them, but I can't control that.  I can only fix it when it happens.  The last time we did the shampoo stuff on Natalie, I sat her down to comb thru her hair, and there were a few live ones.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?  The stuff should kill them.  Period.  It didn't.  I called the doc.

Yeah, he agrees with the home remedy that everyone has heard of, but nobody believes.  He said to put mayonaise in her hair, wrap it in plastic, and leave it overnight.  Tonight, we did it.  Now, I love mayonaise.  I really do.  But the smell of THAT much mayo at one time made me gag.  I was almost physically ill.  I got it done, wrapped her head in plastic wrap, and put a shower cap on her.  I'm sick of it.  I'll try anything.  Her coat has been washed, her sheets will be washed first thing in the morning, while she showers.  The stuffed animals are stuffed....in a bag.  I am praying that this fixes it.  If not, I fear I'll go crazy...literally crazy.

The little car is working out well.  It got hot the first day, but JJ (the awesome neighbor) and Kevin agreed that it was probably an air bubble in the system.  It hasn't done it since.   We can't use the passenger door, which is a drag, but other than that, it's all gravy.  I gotta get into Dad's shop in the morning and get an ice scraper out of the van.  I bet there are three or more in there, but not a single one in the LeBaron.  That sucks when the frost is on.

We are still climbing out of the hole that we dug ourselves into the past two weeks.  I think we can beat the wolves off for a bit, but it's gonna be tight around here for a bit.  Mom and Dad have been great about it, and helped us out a lot.  I don't know what I'd do without them.  Honestly.

Work is work.  I can't say much more than that.  There have been many decisions made.  Some good, some bad.  All I can do is watch it play out and see what happens.

I pray for some financial relief.  I pray for Russ's parents.  I pray for my own parent's health.  I pray for my kids and husband.  I pray for my mother-in-law.  I pray for warmer weather.  God forgive me, I pray for a night out with my husband without financial worry.  I pray.  Yeah, I pray...what else are ya gonna do?

Well, I had a tough week.  I had a bad week.  Hell, I had a SHITTY week. 

First, the flu hit the Fierro household.  We were feverish, sickly, whiney, downtrodden folks.  I mean, SICK.  We started pulling out of it. 

Then the van broke down.  Not just broke down, because that is an understatement.  The alternator broke O.F.F.  BROKE OFF!  Apparently (Dad looked at it) the back bolt (there are two in front, one in back) vibrated loose and out, and the torque of the belt broke the bracket.  The bracket is $130, since we can only find it at the dealer, and the belt is about $50.  OK, plan B.

The LeBaron could be fixed for $50.  $45 for a passenger side window, and less than $5 for a thermostat and gasket.  Done deal, I bought the parts.  Friday night, I was home with Dad's car (thanks Dad) and the parts for the LeBaron ('89 LeBaron folks, and wrecked once....not a pretty sight.)

Kevin woke up Saturday before anyone should be awake (Russ was still at Pogo, I'm sure) and got ready to go to his mom's.  His sister had insisted on paying for fuel, and I'm glad she did.  Linda really needed him there for the service.  Anyway, he wakes me up at 4:30ish and says....are you ready folks?....he says "Honey, we're out of propane."

I guess, if it's under 10% in the tank, the gauge isn't entirely accurate.  Sure, we were pushing it to the limit, but we keep the house at 59 degrees at night and when nobody is at home, and never over 65.  I really...WE really thought we could get by until Friday....WRONG.

Coldest morning of the year (it got down to 2 degrees) and we have no heat.  Awesome.  I told Kevin to get his ass out of here fast (it seems I'm bad luck) and go be with his mom.  At 8:15, I called for propane.  There is a $50 fee for Saturday delivery....is this an emergency?  HELL YES!  Maybe not an emergency for the propane company, but it was sure as HELL an emergency for us.  We were COLD!

The kids got quilts and blankets, and we waited.  She said she'd call back when she knew when they could be here.  We waited.  And waited, and waited.  I decided that, if I hadn't heard anything by 1:00, I'd call back.  The guy showed up at 12:15.  He put 250 gallons in the tank and lit the pilot lights.  Now, time to fix the car.

I had warned Brett that he was going to drive the LeBaron, with no passenger side window, to Dad's.  After all, he can't drive Dad's car, and that's all we had.  We both bundled up, and we cut the tarp off the poor little beast.  It wouldn't start.  Well, it probably would have, but I didn't want to run the battery down.  Brett was off the hook.

We went to Mom and Dad's, and the kids settled in to annoy Mom on her day off (Mom babysits the girls all week, I hate for them to be there too much on the weekend.) and Dad and I headed out with the battery charger and some starter fluid.  It started, and we got it out there.  The thermostat was a non-issue...then there was the window.

It just won't line up.  A neighbor offered to put it on the machine to realign the frame, which will probably help, but for now, NOBODY opens the passenger side door.  We climb over.  I don't care, just so I have a car to drive to work.

We got the van on Sunday.  Not only did the bracket (the part that can only be found at the dealer for almost $150) break, but there was a puddle of antifreeze under it.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?  Well, we'll look into that after the alternator bracket is purchased.  *sigh*  I still have to try to find that one.  Anyway, Dad helped me get the van to his house on the trailor (thanks again, Dad) and we got it taken apart.  I watched the end of the Daytona 500 and we came home.

Today wasn't a ton better, but nothing new broke, so I'm counting it as a plus.  Kevin's work put him in a foul mood, my evening errands put me in a foul mood, and Brett didn't do ANYTHING that he was supposed to while he was home ALL DAY.  It's OK.  Nobody got killed over it, the girls are having quiet time before bed, and Brett is upset, but getting ready to do the dinner dishes.

Now, for a few GOOD things from the weekend:  Kevin got to attend his brother's memorial service.  Another firefighter found one of Steve's "bunker gear" coats, and has it set back for Kevin.  My daddy bought me beer!  McMurray did great at Daytona until he hit the wall in the second-to-the-last lap.  I saw a couple of good movies.  I have a house!  My parents rock.  No, really.  You have NO idea how much my parents rock.

Sing with me, now

"Gloom, despair, and agony on me..."

This has been an awful week.  We started the week with the flu.  Natalie had it, Monica had it, Kevin had it, and I had it.  Brett came home from his dad's house quite healthy.  By Wednesday, Brett had it.  Damn flu.  We were so sick, we were fighting death.  We (all but Brett) started getting better by Thursday...then the van broke down.  Damn.  It didn't just break down, the alternator fell the HELL off!  FELL....OFF!!!!!

The bracket that holds it on can only be found at the dealer....$150.  OUCH.  Plus, the belt that was lost because of it is $50.  Shit.  OK, plan B.  We fix the LeBaron.  The broken passenger side window can be bought for $50, and the thermostat is less than $5.  I bought the parts to fix the LeBaron, and thought we'd make it until next week....NOT.

Kevin was leaving for Carthage this morning.  I'm so glad he went.  His mom needed him.  His sister offered to pay for the gas.  Thanks, Susan.  Anyway, he's ready to leave and he woke me up.  He what???  Why are you waking me up?

Oh.  We're out of propane.  The coldest night of this winter, the wind chill is -7 and we have no heat.  Cool.  No, seriously...COOL!  I can't wait to see what else life can throw at me.  If my left arm fell off, I'd look over my shoulder at it and shrug, saying "well, maybe I can buy another one next week."  There's always next week.

The propane folks said that, yeah, they can deliver on Saturday, for an extra $50, and the total must be paid today.  I said, "Look, my husband is out of town, my van broke down this week, we've all had the flu, and I would really appreciate it if you could hold my check until Thursday."  she agreed, and I wrote a check for over $400.  Bitch, gripe, grumble, complain.

I don't know what to say, and I don't know what to do.  The poor, sad, 17-year-old LeBaron will get me around for a while.  My daddy bought me some beer.  My husband got to be at Steve's service, and my house is warm.  Glass half full?  Maybe.

I have so much to be thankful for, and so much to complain about.  I choose to be thankful.  Thanks, Mom.  Thanks, Dad.  Thanks, Kevin.  Thanks, God.  Yes, thanks, God.  Some would see this as being abandoned...I see it as a test of spirit.  My spirit is here, man...here.  Let's rumble. 

Good night, and good Day.  I will be fine...hell, I *AM* fine.  Finer that frog hair, I am.  Hide and watch....we'll suprise you every time.  We're from a strong stock....bring it on, baby!

Tryin' for Happy

OK, so I can't sleep for worrying, so I decided to suck it up and look for "happy."  Happy is usually easy to come by for me, so I looked around.  My aquarium makes me happy.  I fed the fish and watched them for more than 20 minutes.  The shark has grown so much.  I took some pictures, then looked for a "before" picture of the shark.  WOW!  He's grown more than I realized!  The fish calm me.  Thanks, fish.

I found a picture, still sitting in my camera, of Kevin.  We were headed to a house warming party for a co-worker.  The truck needed fuel.  He hopped out, in the cold, with blustery, blowing snow.  It doesn't look it in the picture, but it was COLD!  He saw me pointing the camera at him and smiled.  Kevin isn't happy with his current weight, and avoids pictures at times.  Kevin isn't happy when it's cold.  Kevin isn't happy with the price of gas.  Kevin is "angry dad,"  but....BUT, Kevin knows how much I love taking pictures, and he smiled.  Such a small thing, but such a huge gesture.  He smiled for a picture in freezing temps without a jacket.  I love you, honey.

The other pictures are sky pics, that I take at least 10 of each week.  I delete most, since they're taken out the window of the van, and usually blur.  Sometimes, I hit on a winner.  I put two here.  I just wanted to find some peace tonight.  I found my peace.  Thank you, fish.  Thank you, Kevin.  Thank you, God-given sky.

'nough said.