Tuesday N Stuff

Mood: Friggin' Tired

Well, I'm 9 days in, with 10 to go until I get a day off.  I can do this!  We need the money, too.  Yeah, we need the money for the times that I screw up.  I screwed up...hardcore.

I have a pile of bills that need paid, in order of when they're due.  Electric is due by the 20th or something.  Yeah, right.  Only thing is, I didn't notice that the bill I put in the pile was for NOVEMBER 20...not December.  Yeah, Brett came home today to no electricity.  Apparently, there was a past due notice in ANOTHER pile of mail...a pile I hadn't gone through.  ACK.

To get it back on tonight was the $88 past due amount, a $50 after-hours reconnect fee, and the first of 3 installments of $65 for an additional deposit.  Yeah, additional.  They already have a $400 deposit on hand.  Bastards.  Oops, sorry...that slipped.  It is my mistake, my fault, my bad.  Merry Christmas, Aquila electric company...Merry friggin' Christmas.

Anywho, the lights are back on, so I won't gripe (any more than I already have.)  Most people wouldn't have admitted this ordeal, but I'm an open book.  Honest, you're liable to hear of a pending yeast infection, if I take a notion.  ROFL, gross.

This is such a tough time of year in my industry.  I love Christmas and baking and shopping for gifts and stockings and trees and merriment.  My job makes it hard to keep on enjoying it, but I'm trying.  I keep my kids enjoying it, tell my husband that cooking by candlelight (we have a gas stove) is an "adventure" and laugh at our misfortune.  I'm doing well, but there is still a bit over a week to maintain this facade.  I can't wait until Christmas Eve.  A day off.  Heavy sigh.

Then, on December 26, we'll have lunch with Toonguy Russ again.  WooooHoooo!  Life will be "up" again!

Monday N Stuff

I'm tired.  Nothin' like starting an entry with a whine, eh?  Work is in full "season" swing.  I'll work my fat ass off for the next 2 weeks, then a strange calm will settle over the lab...late on Christmas Eve.  It's a weird thing, but I've done it many times, so I'm used to it.  I racked up 106 hours in the past 2 weeks, and now it gets harder.  *sigh*

I don't get to email friends, don't get to keep up on journals, don't get to cook for my family, don't get to wash my filthy van and don't get to watch as much TV as I like.  I *did* get to see the finale' of Survivor...WoooHooo! Go KC girl!  It was great to see a local girl win...on the same day a local team bit the big one.  Damn Chiefs.  *sigh* again.

The snow is gone, replaced by mud and a bit of slush.  Tomorrow morning is being promised as "freezing fog."  WTH?  OK, slick roads, I can deal with it...but freezing fog?  Whatever.  Give me snow or give me 65 degrees.  Anything in between can bite the fattest part of my butt.

Well, back to CSI Miami.  I hate that little red-haired weasle, but I love the show.  Sue me.

My Friday Memory

This week's Friday memory isn't a specific instance...it's more of a summation.  My parents have expressed regret many times.  What adult doesn't?  They think they spanked us too much, or pushed our studies too little.  Did they leave us alone too much, or smother us with attention?  What could have made things better?

Nothing.

I can remember hot breakfasts before the bus came.  I even remember hot cocoa to sip at the bus stop.  I remember real dinners, not the frozen fare that my kids get.  I remember real lessons being taught on a tractor, in a pickup, in a garden, or in a kitchen.  When I screwed up, I was taught to apologize.  Period.  No excuses, no double-talk.  Just 'fess up and move on.

I was given $5 when Dad didn't have it to give...because I asked for it.  I was given 2 Pepsi's a week (remember the glass bottles?  The 8 packs?) even though Dad worked hard and only got two himself.

Dad got the last piece of any treat, but if there was more than 1?  Jim and I ALWAYS got some before mom.  Poor Mom.  I didn't know then, but I know now.  Her joy came from seeing her food enjoyed...not from eating it.

Mom built igloos in the snow with us.  They lasted "forever" to me.  We made shelves and crawled in and out for days.  We don't get snow like that any more, but we did back then.  Mom wasn't an old fuddy-duddy...she was fun.

She let us have parties, inviting all of our friends.  She put on a good feed and stayed out of our business.  My friends loved that.  If we needed something, she was right there...Otherwise, she was missing.  How cool.

Dad taught us things.  Things that come flooding out when they're needed, but are hard to come up with in a journal.  I can change my oil, change a tire, watch my gauges, and listen for a "miss" in an engine.  I can drive a tractor, "tie in" bales on a hay wagon, and back a trailor anywhere you want it. 

I could ask Dad for $5 and I'd get it...even if he only had $6.  I didn't know then that they  didn't have it.  They didn't let on.  I had a letter jacket, even though I didn't do anything to letter in.  I had a senior ring (still have it), even though it was very expensive.

We were poor, but I didn't know it.  I knew we weren't rich, but they NEVER let on that we were POOR.  Mom was aces at paying the bills, and Dad was aces at working to make the money.  We had electric blankets to fight the unheated rooms, so we didn't notice that we had unheated rooms.  What a great job they did. 

I hope, someday, that my kids think they're as rich as I really was.  I was (and am) truly rich.

Snow!

Snow, snow, snow!  It fell all day and it's still not done.  If it's going to be this insanely cold, it should at least be pretty, right?  It took a while to get home, but the interstate was in good shape.  The side roads were pretty nerve wracking, but I made it home fine. 

I have a cute video of Monica's school program, but I'm having trouble getting AOL's ftp space to upload it as a video.  I'll keep trying.

*edit*
I never got AOL to work, but found a hosting site with a free trial.  Through the end of the year, you can see my movie here.  I had a hard time with "buffering", but if you walk away and let it play through all of the buffering one time, then replay it, it goes smooth.  Nobody unrelated will take that much time on this, but there it is, anyway.

A good day indeed.

I had to work today, but we got to throw a luncheon for the production folks that make us look so good.  Everyone enjoyed it and there was a ton of food.  I was happy to show my appreciation.

Before that could happen, I had to get to work, right?  Yup, had to get there.  I got about 15 minutes from home, less than 2 city blocks from the interstate, and my driver's side front tire blew.  I was going 60, but kept control and pulled into a church (gravel) parking lot.  Kevin came to trade vehicles, and he waited for AAA to send a truck.  My van is getting 2 new tires tonight, but needs other attention.  Think good thoughts over my husband tomorrow, while he fixes the van...(and while the Chiefs kick the hell out of the Broncos.)

I could be sad about my plight, but I'm not.  The van is paid for.  I'm getting OT.  Everyone in the house is healthy, and Mom provided a great Thanksgiving dinner today.  I needed that.

The North wind is howling, and my van is in trouble.  It doesn't matter.  I'm happy.  I'm DAMN happy.  My new attitude is working great at work, and baffling many of the jerks that used to cause the problems.  I can smile (sincerely) and nod and speak only when it will benifit the situation.  I'm happy and loving my job again.  The new attitude is working.  I like it.  I should bottle and sell it.

My Friday Memory

Each morning, I wake the girls up while our favorite radio station plays the "Morning Drive" show, which we enjoy.  The girls are grumpy in the morning (I wonder where they get it?) so I try to keep things light.  They have a cheesy Friday song that we all like singing, so I started dancing and singing like a fool to wake Natalie up.  She started giggling, so the grumpy act was over.  That reminded me of something:

When I was a kid, we slept upstairs in the house that Mom and Dad still live in.  Sometimes, Mom would stand at the bottom of the stairs and play her guitar and sing...loudly.  My first thoughts were pure evil, so I won't share them here.  I couldn't belive she'd wake me up in such a RUDE fashion! 

Know what, though?  It worked.  As grumpy as I'd get at her nonsense back then, I found myself disco dancing and shaking my butt all over the room at 6 am this morning (25 years later) to get Natalie moving.  Yup, I've become my mother...I wouldn't have it any other way.

I've got a new attitude!

OK, here's the deal:  This is a VERY stressful time where I work.  Busiest time of the year, and emotions run high.  For the past 3 days, I've cried at least once a day, usually making it into a bathroom stall so nobody saw the weakness.  I don't cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm pissed.  I've been pissed a lot lately.  I've been lectured, yelled at, talked down to, and sighed at.  I've had eyes rolled at me, arms crossed at me, and been told that my problems are unimportant.  I've been used as a doormat just minutes after saving someones ass.  Yeah, I've been abused.  Thus is my life at this job.

Last night, I had a miniature nervous breakdown.  I went to bed early, in order to get up before 4 for statements.  I got snuggled into bed just fine, then started sobbing uncontrollably.  Let me be the first to say B.U.L.L S.H.I.T.  No WAY am I going to let a JOB do this to me.

I like my job.  I love what I do, and I'm damn good at it.  I am better than 3/4 of the other CSR's at that friggin' lab.  I have many duties piled on top of my CSR responsibilites.  I am good at those, too.  I can multi-task and organize and supervise...all while fixing a problem for a customer.  I love this gig....so why have a breakdown?

No more.  NO.  MORE.  If I want to keep this job (and I do,) then I need to get over it.  I can't control other peoples actions.  I can only control my reaction to the situation.  If they break me, they win.  I will keep a good attitude, smile, and nod.  I will offer honest explainations for what's going on, and do what I'm told.  If I always do the right thing, then I have nothing to worry about.  If I get fired for it, then it's not the job for me.  I'm OK with that.

Today was statement day, as well as the first day of my new attitude.  I got there at 5:20 to find that the password for statements had been changed.  Nobody from IT was expected for over an hour.  OK, breathe.  Not my fault.  I finally got someone on the phone, who accessed the password.  Things started rockin' and rollin'.  Then, some dude showed up and unhooked the printer.  HUH?  Yup, seems it needed cleaned.  When I asked if I'd lose my statement data, heanswered, "Ummm, I'm not sure...I don't think so."  Great. He suggested I take a break, so I did.

My boss called a bit later (after finding that I didn't lose my data) and asked if I was busy today...she had a special project for me.  "ummmm," I said, quite eloquently, "it's statement day."  "oh yeah, I forgot," she said.  You're the owner, and  you FORGOT about statements?  OK, I can deal with THAT, too.

I had my mental nuts racked a couple of other times, but I just smiled and dealt with it.  I rose to the challenges and looked damn good doing it.  I refused to get into petty gripe sessions.  I turned my back on a full frontal attack (yeah, he dropped the "F" bomb, jerk) and I actually had a customer leave a voice mail for my boss, telling how awesome I was.  It could have been a rotten day, but I wouldn't let it.  It was a good day.

I am damn good at what I do.  I intend to keep doing it.  Customers love me, and coworkers love me.  Yup, I'm staying, so I might as well adapt to a new attitude.  I can't control other's actions, I can only control how I react to those actions.  Another note tucked into my mind is this:  He who angers me controls me.  I will NOT be controlled by someone without my best interest at heart.  I am not angry, I am stronger.  Stronger and better.  Thanks, dill hole.